Many mothers have a large gap between their oldest and youngest child, but often have other children filling in that middle. I, on the other hand, have a crisp, clean 10-year gap between my oldest twin daughters and our youngest son.
So maybe you can understand why raising my son feels like I am starting over.
Today I am sharing a little something I have noticed and I want to do better this time around.
My adult daughters correct their younger brother…a lot. Their corrections are appropriate, in alignment with our family values, and are certainly steering him toward the kind of adult I hope he turns out to be.
But in the dark of night, when it’s just me and my pillow, I wonder. Is all the correction a reflection of how I raised them?
My adult children launched into their adult world from the “diving board” I built for them.
I may be the person who taught them to correct.. because I am the one who corrected them.
My heart was in a great place for their entire childhood. I was trying hard to raise kids that honored God and loved Him with their whole heart.
Trying is the operative word.
I am realizing that I may have tried too hard. Enjoyed too little. Modeled too little.
Jesus promised that if we abide in Him, we will bear much fruit (John 15:5). Please notice our goal is to abide in Christ, not to bear fruit.
I wish I had relaxed more and made my #1 parenting goal to abide in Christ and let Him change my kids.
Parents model. God produces the change.
I need to tweak that on go-around #2.
Lord Jesus, make me a better parent for this boy every day that I live.
Picture Explanation: The son that gets my second try. Out there today in crisp winter air having fun.
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I think you are an amazing role model and mom and I think you did pretty well on your first time as well! Great post as always – love the beautiful way you share your thoughts so clearly and make us think.
On a day when I am discouraged, this note from cyberspace blessed me. Thank you for hanging with me. So touched. And you are absolutely correct. My older kids are amazing. I am just pondering this little piece of parenting lately. I think God has something in it for me. I am going to try to listen.
A friend older than me prayed for me when my children were little that I would have the heart of a grandma in parenting. Given my age, I could have already been a grandma at that time, but I knew she meant something more intangible than a number. She was suggesting that while molding those beautiful pieces of clay I also relax in the journey, refusing to strive out of worry or fear that they wouldn’t “turn out,” steering far from stern legalism of endless rules. I doubt I’ve truly parented like a grandparent, but remembering my friend’s prayer has acted like a buffer when correction has become my default instead of an occasionally used tool balanced with an abundance of cheering and simply enjoying the special creations they are. You too, Laurie, have also taught me how to cheer for those entrusted to me.
I love the perspective of being a momma with a grandma heart. I am certain that brought gentleness and enjoyment into your home and blessed your children immensely. Thank you for sharing that.