Surviving Heartbreak

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. (Psalm 34:18)

I have been brokenhearted.

Those that have been following me for a while know I suffered a broken heart in my mid-twenties when three events occurred in rapid succession that culminated in the death of my brother, Dan.

I didn’t make it.

My life spun out of control for seven years until I reached the end of myself and God got me back as a giant mess and slowly started putting me back together again. Because of that season of life, I have paid attention to my heart — and the hearts of others — when heartbreak occurs.

It happened again.

In 2004 a 9-month court case consumed my family’s life. The results had life-long financial repercussions, but this time, I didn’t careen out of control. I did better at taking one day at a time and walking in a manner worthy of the Lord. I remember sobbing a lot to God, but I kept going and we made it through.

And now it’s happened a third time.

I am brokenhearted right now. In February of 2023 a loved one had a life-saving and life-altering medical situation that was a show-stopping emergency. The emergency is over, but the results will be ongoing for life and adjusting to a new normal is challenging. Simultaneously, a prison education program that is near and dear to my heart ended abruptly. The team I work with found out in an email. I have shed some tears, been angry, and have lost some sleep. I am responsible for overseeing the close-out process and it is difficult being “boots on the ground” with the students who have been affected. The ripple effects of both of these events are going to influence every day of my life for years.

This one is going to be my longest stretch of heartbreak yet.

I am sad, but I am also okay. I am not the only one with a broken heart, right? Many of you are brokenhearted as well. In order to make sure I make it through this marathon-sized stretch of time without careening out of control like I did in my twenties, I am tending to my heart in the following ways. Perhaps my survival-kit list will help you in your pain. I also invite you to share what works for you!

Keep a thank you journal:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

Blogging every week is a discipline that keeps me looking up above the mire of life and has likely saved my life.  On a more traditional level, I have kept a thank you journal for years. Doing so grants me the ability to hone in on the good parts of each day. I don’t write paragraphs, just bullet points, usually about three a day. I am always amazed when I read through a week’s worth of goodness each Sunday. Without documenting, I would forget. Instead, I am encouraged and grateful every Sunday morning to see all of God’s goodness strung together over seven days.

One day at a time:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

I have practiced this for a while too. Truly, I only worry about today, not tomorrow. To live today well — to forgive people, get today’s tasks done, deal with today’s surprises, to be fully present in conversations — I can’t think about tomorrow. Just dealing with today is more manageable. The Lord’s prayer says, “Give us this day our daily bread.”

Have good friends:

Life gets restrictive when tough circumstances arrive. Currently I need to be at home more. Socializing and extra-curricular activities are streamlined. Loneliness threatens to take over and the walls can feel like they are closing in. To the best of my ability, I call the inner circle friends with whom my heart (and mouth) are safe. The filter is less monitored with those who know me best. My closest friends can parse out whether what I am saying is momentary emotion and knee-jerk thoughts or something to help me process and address. Getting counseling is included here as well.

Hand God my loaves and fishes:

“There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?” (John 6:9)

We know this Bible story well and I have blogged about it HERE. This small number of loaves and fishes fed the multitudes. My life is feeling paltry right now in terms of what I have to offer the history, but what I have, God gets. I trust Him to do miracles with the little I have to give because unexplainable multiplication is what He does with what we hand Him.

What does giving loaves and fishes look like on the toughest days? You have had them. You wonder if you can get out of bed and feel like God even has to breathe for you? I get on my knees and give Him the day — just this one day. I tell Him I can’t do it — whatever “it” is — and ask Him to do the day for me. I read that day’s to-do list and then I stand up to leave the bedroom and walk with God through the day.

Turn the pages of my Bible:

I have said regularly that I get nervous when I am not turning the pages of my Bible. Good books aren’t going to cut it in a season like this. I won’t make it. I must remain close to the Word of God that is “living and active.” (Hebrews 4:12)

God gets my heart first:

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

I can’t slather friends and family with all my anxieties and barrage them with all my emotions of the moment. Emotions are most often random, reckless, momentary and often silly. God gets the emotions first, then people get what is left over. I am astounded at how often telling God about things first reduces the need for me to tell others. What friends and family get becomes something that is succinct and truthful without being too burdensome. After all, they are not God and have their own extremely difficult lives too.

We also see that Christ could not live as God-man without prayer. He, too, had already prayed before He started His days. He modeled for us how to live this life encased in human flesh that tires easily and needs food and sleep.

Take care of my body:

Speaking of our frail bodies. Sometimes the laundry has to wait a day. Sometimes I need to linger somewhere on my way home from the grocery store. Our physical bodies cannot sustain a life of being in high arousal at all times. Jesus took naps and sat down when he was tired. He took his disciples away after spending hours with the crowds. Christ’s life was never easy and He sacrificed His body in crucifixion for the forgiveness of our sins, but in the action-packed public ministry years leading up to the end, we see Him being cognizant of pacing Himself. I think it makes sense that we follow His lead.

Trust God with the struggles:

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1:6-7)

Notice the phrase, “a little while.” Length of life is described in Scripture as fleeting, as nothing, as a shadow and as breath. For just a little while, I trust that this meager list will allow me to prove the genuineness of my faith that will result in praise, glory and honor to God when this brief life is over. I hope it helps you too. Thank you for reading my rendition of loaves and fish.

What sustains you when your heart is broken?

Picture Explanation: Last week was very festive, and I am older. My thank you journal had more than three entries per day.

Speaking of living a short life of struggle compared to eternity: Our summer online study has ended. Our Tuesdays were sweet. If you are interested in participating in a co-ed online One Gritty Blink Bible study this fall, click on the Oaks Ministries link below and send me an email so I can place you on a list to be contacted as online and face-to-face studies are planned. Let’s not just focus on things in this short life, but also what counts for eternity.

Note: No part of my posts are derived from A.I. Thoughts and writing stem from my mind and heart as I process life week-by-week and continue to grow in my understanding of God and how to apply His wisdom to the world around me.

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